Marooned On An Island Of My Own House: Working From Home
/Hello everyone!
This morning my office chair broke unexpectedly and I fell on the ground during a conference call.
“Hahahaha Hahahaha. I'm sorry I found that funny.” - my mother
So it seems timely that today we are opening the magical pages of…
The Marooned On An Island Of My Own House Diaries: Working From Home
Welcome to the second instalment of the MOAIOMOHD (it’s pronounced “Mow-eye-ohmo-HÜD.”).
Boringly, when working from home one actually works quite a lot of the time. I don’t know why this came as a surprise.
One works from home when one is me, anyway; SJ is a gutter installation person and therefore doesn’t work during lockdown - although I suppose he could just go round and round his own house, guttering and re-guttering until his mind snaps under the strain - and Roland is a labrador and doesn’t work at all.
I have two-and-a-half jobs at the moment so am working from home more than the average bear, who is currently strung up in a window anyway.*
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*Is anyone else doing this #bearhunt thing, or just New Zealand? It’s where you put a teddy in your window so that passing children can see it and therefore add joy to their daily walk, also “We’re not scared!” etc.
It’s a genuinely nice concept but unfortunately in some circumstances has led to teddies being roped up in startling and unjoyful positions.
There’s a particularly good one near my house which is accompanied by a large note that says “STAY AT HOME” and it’s all so delightfully ominous and first-scene-of-a-zombie-movie-esque that I will try and take a picture of it for you tomorrow.
SURPRISE! I TOOK THE PICTURE TODAY.
ARE YOU SCARED? #BEARHUNT IN CINEMAS JULY 2021
Anyway, I was telling you about my jobs, because that is what a #bossbabe does.
Fuck me I hate that hashtag. I put it in there ironically and I hate it so much that I’m tempted to go back and take it out right now but you know what, I’m not going to, because that’s not what a #girlboss would do.
Ahh! How is that one even worse? This is a terrible planet full of terrible people.
Mumtrepreneur.
(Sorry, I got off track there. I just want women-in-business hashtags that don’t sound like they were made up by 12-year-old girls. #grinchbabe)
YES INDEED, I GOOGLED IT.
Anyway, here is:
A List Of Jobs (of Mine)
So you can imagine what I’m doing when I’m falling off chair from home.
First Job is as a business analyst for a tech company. I’m unlikely to talk about this job much as I’m still new and would like everyone to think I’m professional i.e. not the culprit of a blog like this, no sirree. But you are allowed to know that I am enjoying it.
Also people keep asking me what exactly a business analyst does, and to them I say, shh! I am very busy and important.
“SEE RIGHT HERE? YEAH, YOUR BUSINESS IS FUCKED”
NOTE: THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY WHAT I DO.
Second Job is CTRL+C which you have heard of, it is a content writing company - in fact it is MY content writing company, which still feels very strange to say because in my head I am a small child in ill-fitting pyjamas. However I have had it for six months now so I suppose I had better get used to it.
CTRLC is Small, by which I mean it is just Me*, and it talks in the third person as all small businesses apparently must do.**
It’s going well and I like it very much. It is not always easy to be a business analyst at the same time because this makes me very busy and I am inherently quite a lazy person, but I like both jobs and so I’m just… doing both of them.
#bossbabe #riseandgrind #goodthingscometothosewhohustle WHY ARE WE SUCH AN APPALLING SPECIES.
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*and sometimes Mum, who helps with things like “what’s a snobbier word for courier van” and “does this invoice look alright to you,” although she’s no longer on invoice duty because when I ran my very first client invoice past her she said “I’d pay it, but actually our postcode is 8053” and then it turned out later on that in fact I had got my GST number wrong.
Mum is also responsible for such feedback as “this quote looks very professional but isn’t it the 12th today?”
HERE IS YOUR QUOTE. IT WAS ISSUED IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE BUSINESS IS MAGIC.
THIS IMAGE IS VERY NOT WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR, BUT ONCE FOUND IT COULD NOT BE LEFT UNUSED
**Does anyone else find it weird how one-person businesses always talk in the third person?
“Give us a call!” “We can help with that!”
IT’S JUST YOU THOUGH ISN’T IT.
There was one particularly entertaining moment at the bank when I (as director of the company) had to approve myself (as person from the company) as a signatory on the company bank account. DO YOU, ALLY MULLORD, AUTHORISE THIS WOMAN, ALLY MULLORD, TO ACCESS YOUR ACCOUNTS? I DON’T KNOW. I WOULD LIKE TO SEE SOME ID OF MYSELF.
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Second and a Half Job is The Barkery, which is a (pending) Adoptable Dog Cafe and if you want to learn more about that you can visit our Facebook page or our website. I will probably tell you more about it another time but it’s such a long story and I am already tired from falling off my chair.
(This is only a Half Job because it isn’t actually launched yet and it’s difficult to do much with an Adoptable Dog Cafe when one is in a lockdown.).
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Alright, that’s enough for today because now I have to:
join a video meeting in which we will discuss inventory management at a level of detail which frankly leaves me confused and terrified
delicately inform a client that Covid-19 puns are not the advertising strategy they need right now
find a picture of a dog wearing a bow tie
You can decide which task matches which job! There are no prizes.
Join me tomorrow for: