The Baby Blues

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Hello! Welcome back to my Mommy Blog.

No goat milk soap yet.

 

HURRAY!

 

Today we will be discussing* the Baby Blues.

This is a phrase you hear tossed about before you have any Babies to be Blue about; I always assumed it was an unnecessarily cutesy term for postnatal depression, or perhaps a jaunty jazz standard about the endless fuckaround that is changing the liner of the nappy bin.

*in the sense that I will be talking, and you will be listening

I’VE GOT A DIRTY NAPPY, AND NO PLACE FOR IT TO GO / SAID I’VE GOT A DIRTY NAPPY, AND NO PLACE FOR IT TO GO / THE LADY SAID THAT IT WAS FACILE, I GUESS SHE WAS A lying ho

But no! The Baby Blues is neither of these things. It is a thing where several days after the Arrival of the Baby your hormones go completely berserk and you just cry about everything for a couple of days.

This happens to 85% of women! Some people might say it is quite unnecessary.

 

AND SOME PEOPLE MIGHT CRY ABOUT LOLLY CAKE MULTIPLE TIMES IN a two-hour period.

 

Fortunately my Baby Blues has now passed, but it was Quite A Time; a weird and distressing time, where you’re constantly on the verge of tears, but logically you know that everything is fine.

Unfortunately, your emotions consider logic to be completely irrelevant.

“Don’t worry,” you sob at your husband, who has sent you into floods of tears by committing the grave sin of making you a cup of tea, “nothing is WRONG.”

Your husband looks frightened. Where is his nice, sane wife? Who is this mad bird?

“It’s just,” you hiccup through your tears, “that I don’t feel like I DESERVE a cup of TEA.”

“What?” says your husband, baffled.

“But,” you say, desperate to explain, “I feel BAD about not WANTING a CUP OF TEA when you have offered to MAKE ONE.”

“You don’t have to have a cup of tea,” says your husband. This is true, but unhelpful.

“But I WANT a cup of TEA,” you wail, “and it is just HORMONES and it is SILLY.”

And then you get the giggles on account of how silly it is, while simultaneously ugly crying your way through the cup of tea because of how very ungrateful you feel.

 

“ARE YOU OK?” ASKS YOUR HUSBAND. IT IS A FOOLISH QUESTION.

 

Then as soon as you’ve finally calmed down you think about how soft the dog is and it starts all over again. I can’t say I recommend it.

Here are some of the reasons I cried on the worst ‘baby blues’ day:

  • The Milkmeister was so small and precious.

  • Roland was so small and precious. Roland is a 40kg Labrador.

 

SO SMALL AND PRECIOUS.

 

  • I was worried I would not be a good Mum to the Milkmeister.

  • I almost shut my finger in the cupboard door and this was very frightening.

  • Roland took my seat on the couch and I had to move him and I felt this was a deeply, deeply mean thing of me to do.

  • I felt bad for crying so much.

  • Husband gave me a piece of lolly cake and the lolly cake was too nice.

  • I went to hang out the washing and Roland came with me and I cried because he is such a good friend.

  • Remembered the cupboard door incident, cried again.

  • Husband said “Would you like some more lolly cake, or is it too sad?” and this reminded me of the niceness of the lolly cake and it was, in fact, too sad.

If you are planning to have a Baby, please prepare yourself for the Baby Blues!