In Which the Author Does a Thing

Hello everyone!

Apologies once more for the long absence, but at least this time I was doing something productive. (You’ll find out what it was in a minute.)

Since we last spoke, here are some things that have happened:

1. I went to a screening of short animated films as part of the NZ International Film Festival.

Oh boy. In summary: Support The Arts, but not like that.

I was ready for Weird and Arty Films, but I was also ready for Films With a Plot and that’s where I went wrong, because unfortunately it appears that when a film has enough Art it does not need any Plot At All.

There was one particularly bizarre short where, at the end, the filmmaker dedicated it to her mother. My mother leant over and said “If you ever make something that weird, you are welcome to dedicate it to someone else.”

“THIS ONE’S FOR SUSAN”

Also, a man in the row behind me said “This must be art, because I don’t understand it at all” and if that’s not what you want to hear at a film festival, I don’t know what is.

2. I learnt that butterflies remember things from when they were caterpillars! This is a good fact by itself, and was going to be briefly summarised here, but then I went on an immense caterpillar tangent which you can now find at the end of this post, if you are so inclined.

3. I left my job and started a business!

I’m aware I should have lead with that, but then you might not have paid attention during the part about the art films.

My business is called CTRL+C and I am very proud of it, although it is Very New - just out of its cocoon, if you will. It provides writing & editing services, primarily for other businesses.

(This seems like as good a time as any to reassure you that I am perfectly capable of producing professional writing without a single butterfly fact, should the occasion demand it.)

BEHOLD, MY BUSINESS CARD. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO THRUST IT AGGRESSIVELY AT YOUR FRIENDS AND RELATIONS.

Yes! It is exciting. It’s very exciting.

It’s been a month since I left work and started working on CTRL+C, and the website went live a week ago. Most of those three weeks have been spent veering wildly between “this is interesting, fun, and the best decision I’ve made in a long time” and “Good Lord, I have no idea what I’m doing, have I gone completely insane?” I gather this is normal. Also, I have accounting software now. Who even am I?

Don’t worry, I don’t know how to use it.

(Haha! Cool joke! But actually, wild-eyed laugh of desperation, because I have clients and thusly, soon I will need to send invoices, and who on earth knows how to use accounting software? How will I make the invoices? Why is accounting even a thing? Good Lord, I have no idea what I’m doing, have I gone completely insane?)

It’s very exciting. I am very happy. Also very busy. I’ll figure out how to send an invoice eventually.

(There was going to be a big paragraph here about why I started the business but honestly, I rewrote it three times and it just kept sounding so self-promotional and unnecessary, and that’s not what either of us are here for. All the information is on the website if you’re interested!)

There is also a photo of me on the website, if anyone is interested in What I Look Like Now. Did you know I have GLASSES?

How fucken’ literary, huh. Just like a real writer.

—-

THIS PICTURE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING BUT I WAS FACING A WALL OF TEXT AND I DON’T HAVE MY EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE WITH ALL THE PICTURES ON. MAYBE YOU COULD IMAGINE THE SHELLS SYMBOLISE… UM. YOU DO THIS ONE YOURSELF. LET THE SHELLS SPEAK TO YOU. WHAT DO THEY SAY?

So. You have reached the Caterpillar Tangent.

If you have decided to read this Caterpillar Tangent (good band name) then I am almost as impressed with you as I am with the ability of the butterfly to remember things from when he was a caterpillar.

This ability becomes even more impressive when you remember that, contrary to the caterpillar-to-butterfly picture in your head,* once the caterpillar is inside the cocoon he basically completely dissolves into a caterpillar-DNA soup, and then the butterfly is assembled from scratch.

—-

*a caterpillar makes a small cocoon. in he climbs. he goes to sleep. while he sleeps, he grows wings, and when the wings are ready, out he comes like a newly risen souffle.

stop imagining this. instead, you may imagine a caterpillar inside a cocoon. he melts. no form remains. he is like minestrone. eventually this minestrone begins to reassemble into a butterfly. it is like a horror movie. you want to stop watching but you can’t look away. you vow never to use a caterpillar/butterfly metaphor again. you open your eyes. you emerge into the sunlight, blinking. to the south is a small house. to the north are the mountains. to the west is a field of swan plants. in the distance, the beating of a thousand butterfly wings.

do you wish to continue Y/N?

—-

(Also, the caterpillar doesn’t go into the cocoon. The cocoon is inside the caterpillar all along. What? Yes, it is. When he is ready to cocoon, he hangs from a branch in a J shape and his skin hardens… then he’s ready to get that cocoon underway, at which point he snaps himself into a straight line (he is now hanging from the branch in an I shape), and his skin splits at the bottom. And the skin kind of scooches up to his… honestly, I can’t remember if caterpillars attach themselves to the branch by their head end or by their butt end, but one of the two. The skin scooches all the way up to the top of the caterpillar, revealing the cocoon, which was inside all along, and is now ready to go! And inside the cocoon is the caterpillar-DNA soup).

Anyway - there was a study done where moth caterpillars were exposed to a distinctive smell, while also being delivered a small electric shock. (Science is not kind to its subjects).

When these caterpillars metamorphosed into adult moths, also known as ‘moths’, 78% of them avoided the smell! If you want to read about this in more detail you can do so here.

As a side note, you will be pleased to know that while Googling “do butterflies remember being caterpillars” in order to find the study, the top suggested search was “do butterflies fart,” and the answer is “not as we know it.” There is, however, a book called DOES IT FART? which seeks to answer this critical question for all the animals on God’s green earth. I wish I were the author of DOES IT FART?

As another side note, this reminds me that the other day I used the phrase “fart with impunity” and I went to google “impunity,” as one does when one is only 90% confident they are using a word correctly. But somehow between the thought and the Googling I malfunctioned horribly and just ended up Googling “fart.”

Did I tell you I started a business?

#professional

#excited